Hold me close

Hey! Audition results finally out! I'm in Soprano ONE! was better than i thought. This is a recognition of my ability and proud of it. NOT MANY PEOPLE CAN SING OKAY? HAHAHAHA.
Something made me feel down. the feeling of being ignored... I wish for a renewal & acceptance. But i know it may not come true. They're nice ppl. i know tht. and i screwed up my poly life. They made me understand things i've never experienced before... I was rly selfish. And i changed for the worst just because of how my past made me. Behind every strong woman, are assholes tht made her this way. It was my past tht held me bck for revenge's sake.. Maybe now i know how they felt

Psych's tut on writing down what other's think of you anonymously was what i did 3 yrs back. I CHANGED TOTALLY. 180deg. i was nice, and allowed others to take advantage of my kindness. I swore nvr to be tht nice agn. I closed the walls of my heart and refused others to enter. Now, i regret it. It's upsetting, longing to talk to them, yt having tht fear of being ostracised agn. the fear tht can't sm to be removed. Painful memory...

Had throat infection on monday. Somehow, i wonder whether it's my emotional instability tht made me constantly ill. Poor emotional health and psychological health leads to poor physical health... Stressors tht made me sick suddenly. Fever of 38.8deg, was in total delirium. i cried while having tht fever, temp rocketed, kinda unsteady. Whining and whimpering away yearning for Tabby... I want tht closure.. Gimme a chance to prove i can be a good friend. Tabby, my best friend and brother, you've no idea how much i miss and love you since you've been gone. I can't pour my unhappiness to you and so i've to kp bothering others w my troubles. I LOVE YOU TABBY. OVR AGN I MEAN IT. MY ONLY BELOVED PET CAT. RIP 29/05/09 09.30 AM.

Okay, now i want a hug :(